Why You Should Stop Buying Wedding Gifts

Some people love planning their lives around weddings. But for most of us, that beige embossed invite spurs dread: How much is this thing going to cost me?According to the Houston Chronicle, the answer, on average, is somewhere around $700. With wedding season now in full swing, Esquire tapped three pros for money-saving tips for wedding guests: Jen Doll, a serial wedding guest who detailed her hilarious (and often mortifying) experiences in her new-to-paperback memoir Save the Date; Luke Landes, the personal finance pro behind the popular blog Consumerism Commentary, and Ginger Dean, a finance blogger who's traveled around for a fair share of weddings. Here's what they told us.
1. Skip the gift."This is potentially bad or controversial, but I don't really give a gift all the time," Doll admits. "The way we go to weddings now is so much more diverse than the way that it used to be. People are getting married at way different ages, and it's not like you need to give someone their first kitchen appliance—they already own it." If your friends are already set for adulthood and you're paying a lot to attend, skip the gift. Chances are the couple won't notice.
2. Give something small.If guilt gets to you, it's perfectly fine to give something small, says Doll, even if it's not on the registry. "It's not like you have to give the dollar amount on the gift," she says. "Give something appropriate to what you can afford." Dean agrees: "Get a gift on the lower end of the registry," she says, or simply send the couple a card wishing them well. Landes recommends jumping on the registry game early, as guests tend to snatch the cheapest gifts quickly.
3. Wear the same outfit.Don't make each formal event an excuse to buy a new outfit, Doll warns. "Presumably, there will be different people at all of [the weddings]," she says, so no one will notice a wardrobe repeat. And if you do feel compelled to go shopping, at least "make sure you buy something you can wear again," says Dean. "Don't buy something for just the occasion." (Our wear-it-wedding-season-round pick: Hudson's lightweight cotton stunner in navy.)
4. Pick a party.
Do you really need to attend the engagement dinner, bachelor party, and ceremony? Odds are good the answer is negative. Choose the event that means the most to you and let the couple know you'll be missing the others, Doll says. Do not feel the need to apologize.5. Skimp on lodging.
If the wedding is out of town, don't succumb to peer pressure and stay where the couple is staying. Instead, rent an Airbnb or something cheaper nearby. You may even opt to share a room with a friend. "Everything related to travel tends to be the biggest expense," says Landes, especially for destination weddings where the bride and groom want things extra special.6. Just say no.

Sadly, the best way to get out of paying to attend a wedding is by not attending at all. "Sometimes it makes sense to say no," says Landes, especially if you just can't afford it. Put yourself first and the savings will follow. And if a friend doesn't understand, they're not much of a friend.